Weird of the weird’s
I feel time going past me
And I'm sat here letting it get past me
Without any reaction either action
All this time
Spent trying to find the will power to search
For my ultimate desire in life
Find my path and my way
Along the streets filled with dust
Filled with garbage of the humans
That can’t care less about who is around
How it gets there and how it gets cleaned up
I’m tired of existing
Tired of the daily battle for who I am
For what do I want, where I want to go?
What is best for me?
Lord oh Lord
I know sometimes I don’t pray like I should
Well better like I used to
It’s been over 2 months that I haven’t prayed
Maybe cause desperation has not touched my heart
Maybe because I’m really lost and I’m just here taking each day
Taking it as it comes
Good or bad & funny or sad
It’s like time has finally given me the moment of the wakening
Time for me to choose what will be done next
I started by changing some of my things in my bedroom
Amazingly I slept in so much peace
My next step is to change how my body looks
I will finally join a gym
I hate myself
I hate looking at the mirror while putting on some clothes
Looking at this fat body, that has a weird shape to it
I have always been fat but I reached a point
That I cannot stop myself from being happy
That I cannot stop trying to make myself better
And that I can’t bare to walk into a shop anymore
See a nice shirt or t-shirt
Have the desire to buy it and then I remember how hideous I may look
So I walk out of the shop empty handed
And walk into a different shop that makes clothes that hide my fat body
Enough is enough
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2 comments:
You know I never do as I'm told so here goes my comment!
It baffles me that you can come up with something so self depreciating and harsh! What happened to the person that said that "it's what's inside that counts" BESIDES, I think that your view of yourself is somewhat distorted. I think you have a bit too much time on your hands baby and it leads you to think so much that your brain begins to twist the truth, so stop being so harsh on yourself and get out a bit more! At least you don't have to wear a Dashdasha or Burkha like I do! ha ha ha! You are beatiful in every way, both inside and out. Remember that the defects you see in yourself are what someone else might describe as beauty. Love you x x x
Hello Noxy,
well you do like to break rules but thats only as a threat cause if you had to brake them for real you wouldnt... I know you soooooo well. I know that its too much sometime to handle, but im trying to come o terms with myself. A Shrink in Portuguese would help surelly. Anyway better days will come.
Thank you for your sweet words.
Love you always with or without Burkha or even Galabeya.
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