Well, today its simply 2 weeks away from me travelling out of Egypt for the 1st time since I been here. Its been 10 months and its been as well as a very hard experience, it has been so rewarding in the way It all finally sank in. My granny used to tell me when i was a kid that unfortunately because of my choices I had to depend on myself only, and living alone here, without my closest friends I have come to realise she is sooo dam right and as much as it may shock me sometimes its so true. The new year is so close again and I have put into my targets of life to do something of my life, to go out there and show everyone who I am. Although I am shy at times and scared of life on different aspects, I believe that the past experiences will give me enough strengh to focus and to be a winner. I truly wish i could go back to my own country Portugal and be with the people that speak the same language as I do, the people who can understand my true feelings and my wording. Its so hard to express emotions with English language, i have to measure my words, I have to adapt to what it would mean in my own language. I also feel very sad, sad because I wont be sharing my daily life anymore with Angela, my Brazilian friend. She has decided to move back to Brazil by early January and I find myself lost and sad. Who will I share my things with ? Who will i tell all the adventures i been through? I don't like to face facts but its not easy to loose someone one moment you don't know anything about her and the next you are so close friends that separation is not a word in the whole context.......
Well I'm kind of ready to go back to London, but I'm not ready to leave Egypt just yet, something inside me tells me I must come back, I'm giving it a shot and if when I'm back in January I don't feel that here its my place I will pack and leave in search of my dreams.
Most people here only daydream, their hopes and dreams have been "flushed" in the Brainwash they keep getting on their everyday lives. The whole pretending to be perfect and holy ............ Fuck that .......... I cant take the lies and the whole pretence of existence it makes me sick
Well i wont let this part of my emotions spoil this article about the whole parade of things i been going through.
Love life is non existent and I'm glad its non existent cause besides people here don't even know what they want, they will never be able to be themselves, neither will be able to assume who they are, because the society and the religion don't let them be themselves. So why should I put myself through this whole bullshit ? I don't need more crap in my life.
Maybe i will not be blessed with the fact that I will have a stable partner and we will live together but I shouldn't worry about that for now. I should concentrate on the fact that I need to develop more skills and go after my dreams and make them become true.
I been thinking about my life allot and about my future and mostly about the things i need to accomplish in life. I would like to have a Uni degree but I have no idea what course to enrol what path to follow...
Caroline my German friend who also moved here from London keeps giving me some wonder full ideas and some guidance in regards to following my dreams and not letting hope escape through the front door. She advised me to go to a Careers adviser and see what they can tell me. I don't think its a good solution to my problem but it could be an option that will let me find a different "guidance" in the overall path.
Well lets see what happens.....
Anyway apologies to all for the last weeks where i have been drenched in work and now i don't have a PC at home which makes it harder to sit down with my ideas and simply write away on this blog.
My Love to everyone and thank you for reading my thoughts
